Cody got my letter.
He said he didn’t have an answer for me.
We’re in the same boat, not knowing, just waiting.
He told me I couldn’t look at him.
When I asked him why, he said he couldn’t say, but that him looking at me didn’t help anything. I asked him why again, and he said, “Because I like your haircut, and I can’t look at you, it doesn’t help anything.”
I know what that means. So I didn’t ask anymore, I got my answer.
So I guess we’re just in the same place we were in before I even wrote the letter? We decided that we need to both make sure that we’re not focusing on this all the time. Which is good. He said that he was sorry for saying all that stuff, begging me to stay at Chili’s to talk, and telling me why he brought that group together. =\ I still want him to do all those things. But of course, I know that I shouldn’t know. It doesn’t help either of us. I told him I that I wanted him to text me because I just want to know how he is. But I don’t want him to do it, if he doesn’t want to, or if he doesn’t think he should, I want that to stay the same as it has been if he thinks it should.
I think I may have come to a somewhat conclusion… But I don’t know if it’s from God, or from my feelings. So until I know, I’m not going to mention it to anyone. Because if I’m wrong, I’m going to seem really stupid and ridiculous. I’m going to pray about it more, and see, of course.
Looking straight in his eyes was wonderful. I never wanted to stop. But it made me miss him even more, it made me want to hug him, to hold him. I honestly had to make myself not tell him that I love him. Or how much I miss him. He’s a beautiful person, and I don’t want to lose him. That’s all I know.
